'I bully myself to make me do what I put my mind to.'
Eminem - Rap God
You know, you're going past a shop window or mirror and you just catch your reflection for a split second. At that moment, time, chance and common sense align and you slow down long enough to honestly, truly SEE yourself the way people see you. And then it dawns on you.
You are a soft, squiggy bag of bones rolling around in jeans and a rebellious tee shirt trying to be cool.
And you have boobs, man. Man boobs. Moobs.
I think I just got tired of not feeling sexy. I believe everyone has the right to feel sexy at any given time. (Whether you ARE sexy or not in real life isn't the point. Life is too short.) which is what finally drove me to the new year resolutions.
Now the urge to lose weight triggered it, but then I just generally thought of all the things I wanted to fix and decided to make a list.
I made a bunch of them. Put dates on each one, threw them in an app and put a password on it.
People rag on resolutions a lot. I don't know why. Resolutions are a good thing. New year, new beginnings, amirite? I mean if you get right down to it, it's PEOPLE that fail the resolutions, not the other way round. Anyway, I figured since I liked video games so much, it wouldn't hurt to gamify my resolutions. I added tasks and goals, I added achievements and then, I added room for failure. (Everybody dies in a video game. That's why we all have extra lives. The difference here is I made it old school - you can only fail ONCE).
So every now and then, I go to my app and I look at my goals. Each goal is counting down to a particular day. You know, '240 days before you can eat red meat'. I'll level with you - it was daunting. So then I got the bright idea to get one of those retroactive to-do apps; the types that tell you how long SINCE you last did something.
That was the trick. The Resolution equivalent of a video game high score. Once I understood that, I threw everything in. Nothing encourages the good fight like seeing you can do it. So, I tucked in. Hell, I even made a resolution to stop swearing (which is quite a bitch to stick to, let me tell you). But the biggest irony of all which I think is what makes resolutions so hard - is the world we live in today. It's an instant world. Overnight delivery. 4G speeds. Instant wins. Instant coffee. Google search returned in .002 seconds.
This world shift-deleted patience a long time ago.
No one likes to wait. I don't even think we remember how to anymore. So there's this mind-numbing frustration of sticking to a routine or a plan or a resolve for days when you won't see results for months. Maybe even years.
How do you handle it? I have no fucking idea. One day at a time, that's how I've been doing it.
I am determined to feel sexy. (I almost added 'again' but my mind sniggered at me). I am determined to be better at what I do. I am determined to just bloody try something outlandish and stick to it. Everyone goes on how nothing is more fragile than a resolution. I never have a witty comeback when they tell me that, but I've got one now.
Nothing is stronger than resolve.
And apps. Cool apps.