Get On The Flaw

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind

U2 - Walk On

Have you ever really thought about a flaw you have? I don't mean accept it or acknowledge it...I mean really sit down and think about it?

Me neither. But today, we're going to talk about it.

So, hello. My name is Freaksho Jones.  And I am the most impatient man I know.

*
You know, I don't know when it started.

I know I've always hated waiting.  I remember that. And I know that's because for a long time in my mind, waiting was tied to disappointment. My dad would promise to take me out but he'd never have the time; my mom would promise to get us stuff but she'd forget. Small things. I hated the long hours sitting in the car while waiting for a parent to come out of the market. Or waiting in a school lobby, reception or office. Those minutes infinitely building into yawning hours put me in a vacuum of stifling boredom.

So I built up the tool i could use to fight it. My imagination.

God, I've thought of crazy stuff. Scenes from movies, What-If scenarios, time travel, superheroes, love proposals, unscripted events...my imagination learned to grow to be larger than life to keep me sane.

But the most recurrent bailout i kept going back to was Projecting. 'Tomorrow,' I'd say,' I won't be bored as I am today.'

It helped me. I would endure, knowing that my current scenario had a finite duration and just required me to persevere for a bit. So i always held out for the Future. It never occured to me that there was a grave danger in that kind of thinking.

Namely, the future shows up...and you're still waiting for it.

*
Like most people that do what I do, I bore easy.

Most times when i dialogue with people i skip ahead in the conversation in my head. Let's get to the good part already. Yeah, you already said that. Come on, cut to the chase.

It severely limits the people you actually want to talk to.

The same thing happens with reading. And writing. I don't recall ever re-reading any of my scripts before submission in an exam. The age of auto-correct further doomed me, making me tear through instead of going back to banish the typos. I have a friend who tells me I have a serious problem with capitalization when I write. I told her it was my writing style. It isn't. I'm just too damn impatient to go back and write like an educated man.

And it's a damn shame.

*
Tolerance levels. Are you kidding?

Didn't we just have this conversation? I showed you how to do that last week. How many times do i have to tell you this? What, is the point, of  talking to you.

Lol. Yeah. Ghandi, I ain't.

I hate being at the mercy of anyone. So that means i do a lot of DYI 'cos it helps me. I google like a sonovabitch. I crawl forums. I read manuals. I try to listen. So I can stand on my own two feet and save myself.

That other people don't do that baffles me.

So i roll my eyes. I sigh in exasperation. I shake my head and repeat myself in a wooden voice that says 'I think you have the mental constituency of custard'.

I tell myself it's not me, it's them.

*

Impatience is a slow insidious disease. You concentrate so much on ending today for tomorrow that you forget today was a tomorrow. You forget that taking things slow when you work adds detail; and detail is what seperates a good idea from a great one.

You forget that we aren't all created equal. Everyone needs help, everyone can help. The most powerful Being of all stoops on a daily to our level; what's so awesome about me that I can't take five minutes to go over a walkthrough again?

Its hard to change. It's a jaded world and we're all a product of it. But the flip side is Life. It's so fleeting, so short and so unexpected. You never know when it's going to end...so why are you in such a hurry to skip this awesome present for the uncertain future?

So.

Yes, my name is Freaksho Jones and I'm the most impatient man I know.

But it's okay.

I'm working on it.

Evolve Or Die, people.