The Game Changer

Call me Dad.

Homer.

Dad.

Homer.

Why, you little - !

Homer Simpson & Bart Simpson

Talk about the game changing.

It’s been what? Almost 3 months? Man, talk about SWITCH!

You know how people always knowingly nod and smile at you when they ask you 'so how's married life?' because they expect you to say something newcouply and sweet just so they can shake their heads at you and say, 'wait until the baby comes'.

You know those people right? Jackasses, i agree.

But. They have a point...the party doesn’t start until the baby comes. And then, oh sweet irony, the party never stops.

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First off, let me tell you the question i hated the most:

'How does it feel to be a dad?'

Ugh. Why? Don’t ask that question. Why are you asking that question? This is not a Disney movie! I have no answer for you!

Becoming a dad isn’t like becoming a husband. For the latter you’re mostly the same; barring your sparkly wedding band and the fact that you’re now the property partner of someone else for life.

Becoming a dad is all about confusion, baby.

The confusion is hilarious. This is me who can modify software on 3 devices at the same time, create and execute complex ideas without writing them down and churn out copy in my sleep.

A baby starts crying next to me and i turn to jelly.

See, it's funny cos i had read, you know? I’d read blogs, books, consulted apps and queried a few doctors. Problem is, all that’s theory. Reality is when someone says, 'he's crying. Please bring him from the basket for me.'

I’d freeze in panic and look at the soft, delicate dude and ask…'how the hell do i pick him up?'

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Parenting is like dancing while seriously drunk. Clumsy, but fun.

Well, don’t count the sleep you miss (and you will miss it - i mean that both ways), the way your macho apartment gets transformed from Cool Monotone to Baby Palace, your immediate and unconditional demotion to 2nd class citizen and the hazardous scenario that are diaper changes.

You're probably sitting there thinking this all sounds like a lot, abi? Don’t be fooled. It all happens in a flurry.

But the payoff...ah. 

Let me tell you.

About sixteen years ago, i noticed a stupid thing. Late evenings, when my brother and i would be talking about school that day, i would doze off sometimes for a few seconds...and jerk awake knowing that i had just been smiling like an idiot. I dunno why i did it, but it happened a few times and i noticed and forgot about it.

Two months ago i was rocking The Little Guy to sleep and as he dozed, i saw him smile.

And you see, that’s the whole point. He isn’t a project, or a task, or a test you have to survive and then get scored on. Your kid is a person all on his own. The little changes drive that home. Like the first time i walked across the room and i saw his eyes tracking me, letting me know he could finally see. Or how he’d fart in his sleep and startle himself with the sound and start crying. Or how, halfway through a breastfeeding session he would heave a sigh of relief when the milk hits the spot.

You care, you really do. You want to protect him, teach him stuff, keep making him laugh. And then one day you're kneeling down watching him sleep in ridiculous teddy bear pyjamas and it hits you.

You love him. Not because you want him to love you back, but because he has touched a part of you that you haven’t felt since you were a kid.

Go ahead and go Awww. I won’t judge you.

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So now, I’m finally beginning to understand some things. Like how people end up with 300 pictures of their babies on their phones. Or sleep on a hospital couch for 5 nights without grumbling when your baby is ill. Or how all the left shoulders on your T-Shirts are a funny puke colour (I’ve dubbed it the Badge Of Honour) or true multitasking (I’ve perfected the art of rocking the baby and holding the Playstation control pad at the same time).  Sure, the seasoned vets out there might smirk at me and mutter phrases like ‘You’re just starting’. But the truth remains.

I’m doing it.

And Dad’s all that counts. Heh heh.

Evolve or Die, People.